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Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales Review (2017) | Meh!

Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales turns out to be an unwanted addition to one of the most exciting and adventurous tales that should have stopped with Gore Verbinski‘s incredible trilogy. It went on and on and look what it has become now – a money making machine that simply banks on cheap thrills.

Captain Jack Sparrow has been milked enough, so much that there has to be something new or it wouldn’t be interesting. Jests at play need to be out of the world. There has to be something eye-popping or there’s no point really in going on. Unfortunately, Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales lacks sparkle to shine out as a flick capable of standing on its own. The movie is almost like you can see through every bit.

Why something happens feels weirdly compelled. There are a fun moments nevertheless but without a proper direction to hold them taut, everything ends up becoming redundant.

Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales is an average flick yes. Poorly directed and aimlessly wading through to meet its waiting setups. Not properly written in terms of mind-boggling mojo as was the case with earlier parts of the franchise. It doesn’t have that element of surprise or something extraordinary that you can cherish or remember in days to come.

Plot of Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales (Spoilers)

To constitute the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales we have the son of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) Henry Turner, visit his father on The Flying Dutchman trying to tell him that his curse can be broken by the Trident of Poseidon. It sounds a tad plaintive at the moment and carves the niche for another adventure in the making. You can almost tell with the father-son reunion that the resolve in the child’s head to help his father is unbreakable. Will asks him to chug it and not to return to his ship for his own safety.

Nine years later we see a grown up version of Henry played by Brenton Thwaites who is now working for British Royal Navy chasing a pirate ship into the Devil’s Triangle, an over-fictionalized version of Bermuda Triangle. On trying to stop them from going in, Henry is caged for treason. The ship is then attacked by a dead man walking nay limping, Captain Salazar portrayed by Javier Bardem, and his army of undead. They spare Henry’s life so as to deliver a message to his arch-enemy Captain Jack Sparrow.

Death will come straight for him. Will you say that to him, please?

Javier Bardem as Salazar in Pirates 5

At Saint Martin

We cut in to Saint Martin, where a pretty girl named Carina Smyth portrayed by Kaya Scodelario is being sentenced to death for witchcraft. She meets Jack (he just happens to walk in, whaaaat?) when he is trying to rob a bank along with his pirate friends. In a failed attempt to score, Jack’s crew abandons him. Meanwhile Carina meets a captive Will who is on his way for execution, and tells him of a way to find the Trident. She helps him escape in the process getting captured herself.

Meanwhile with no money to buy him a drink Jack trades his compass at a local tavern (did the director forget about that coin he had so skillfully put in his pocket?). This breaks the curse Salazar and his crew was bound by to not escape the Triangle, which apparently was somehow tied to the compass. So Salazar and his army could now easily roam the sea.

Jack is caught (who tipped?) and sent for execution alongside Carina. However Henry swoops in the nick of time alongside Jack’s crew to save him. They escape by setting sail to Jack’s ship The Dying Gull. Carina apparently has a diary with a red gem on it, a map to take them to the Trident. Their search for the Trident begins thereon.

Captain Salazar’s Revenge

Salazar on the other hand keeps destroying ships and killing fleet in the wake of his return. Captain Barbossa finds Salazar to cut a deal to spare his fleet by giving him what he wants. Then there’s  a flashback about Salazar’s ghostly making about how a young Jack had tricked him into Devil’s Triangle sealing his fate then and there to his compass.

With the help of Barbossa, Salazar finds Jack, Carina and Henry on a rowboat headed towards an island. Salazar and his crew can’t step on land, and so Barbossa arrives on Salazar’s behalf however chooses to help Jack and his crew find the Trident instead. He breaks free The Black Pearl from the bottle and reinstates command. On the ship both Jack and Barbossa realize Carina to be Barbossa’s daughter.

Salazar charges in destroying the British Navy warship that had been after Jack all this time (what a waste!) and then attacks the Black Pearl. Fight ensues. Why are ghosts fighting with swords again? It was clearly shown how their body couldn’t be harmed and they were literally souls walking around. Another moment of not thinking things through.

You can order Pirates of the Caribbean 5 from here:

Trident of Poseidon

An island shows up just in time (land alert!), as Salazar snatches Henry away from them before disappearing. Carina discovers the island to be the portal entrance by using the missing gem to open the gateway to the Trident of Poseidon. The sea caves in manifesting the Trident on land.

Salazar, being the ghost he was, possesses Henry to walk on land and confronts Jack and Carina who were trying to wield the Trident. On holding the trident, becoming all powerful, he lets go off Henry’s body, and attacks Jack with the Trident. Henry realizes if the Trident’s broken, all the curses across the sea would be broken too. So he breaks the trident forcing Salazar and his crew to come into their human forms again.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5 steering the ship anchor

With the trident broken, the sea path portal that had opened begins to come back to its normal form (slowly and very unrealistically). Just then comes Barbossa on an Anchor with Gibbs steering The Black Pearl like Vin Diesel his car in Fast and Furious, towards the edge of the sea that has begun to feel like a cliff now. Everybody boards the Anchor including Salazar in his less dangerous form now, and yet Barbossa decides to jump on him like a monkey (inspired by his Capuchin of course) and drive a sword in his back. In the process Barbossa falls into the depth (they will probably come back with him again, don’t shed a tear just yet).

Happy Ending

Before dying however Barbossa has his father-daughter moment with Carina before jumping away from the emotional aftermath, embarrassment and trauma  just like a true hero would have.

Carina: What am I to you?

Barbossa: You are my treasure.

Carina Smyth becomes Carina Barbossa. Henry Turner reunites with his father Will Turner whose curse is now broken. We find a cameo of Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) as she too reunites with her husband. Jack is once again aboard his favorite ship, with Barbossa’s monkey on his shoulder and is ready for more adventures.

We also have a post credit scene of Davy Jones entering the bedroom of Will and Elizabeth. So now we know where the story is headed next.

The Final Verdict

Dead Men Tell No Tales is not entirely without a purpose. It sounds like one last attempt to bring closure to the love story of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. But with the post credit scene it becomes obvious they will resurrect it once again. Whatever happened to Pirates 5 being the last one?

Every part had something interesting to offer. Even the previous part had the concept of Mermaids as its USP to base the flick upon. Unfortunately Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales has nothing of the sorts. The concept of dead had already been brought on board in the first part itself. So there was nothing out of the box here to sell.

Whatever happened to the outstanding accords between pirates that used to be the crux of the story? Also, the British Naval army seemed to be the weakest and flimsiest element in this movie.

I think this swashbuckler franchise needs to lay down its swords or come up with a breathtaking story to topple us from the ship, or there’s no point really in going on.

You can check out the trailer of Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales here:

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales













  • Great Music
  • Great Comedy at times


  • Same old same old
  • Nothing out of the box
  • So many loopholes
  • Frames seem deliberately contrived
  • Bad plot
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
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