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The Dark Tower Movie Review (2017) | The Tower Fails to Stand

Fans of Stephen King, witness disappointment! The Dark Tower movie adaptation by Nikolaj Arcel is an undercooked meal that fails to do the book the justice it deserves. Hell, it even doesn’t stand as a good movie on its own. If it only had some eye popping action to shoot it forward, the movie would have been entertaining at least. But it is all so limited that you are forced to blurt out, “That’s it?” All this technology, and we let it all go to waste!

The movie is quite flippant in terms of its colossal import in the world of fantasy. Characters in the movie don’t evoke empathy. You fail to connect and the movie fragments into something insubstantial and forgetful even though it has a huge name of Stephen King in its backdrop.

Glib Direction of The Dark Tower Movie

The Dark Tower is paced too fast for a movie that calls for meticulous reflection. You want to be able to be in it, to feel what a child is going through. This brings to mind the extraordinary relatable tale of A Monster Calls. But The Dark Tower movie fails to make it to that enclave. Well if it couldn’t have possibly even reached that level of child’s mastication, at least it could have tried to connect. We don’t feel much agony of a child trying to make people listen in a world that’s secretively run by monsters.

the dark tower movie tom taylor as Jake Chambers

Introduction of the character Gunslinger played by Idris Elba feels so bland that you fail to understand how big they were or used to be. And that how important it was to be the righteous last man standing in a world that was about to be overrun by dark forces. Then there is the dark force – the Man in Black, Walter played by Matthew McConaughey, who plays a convincing smug villain without badass lines that we all know how brilliantly he aces.

You can’t stop what’s coming. Death always wins.

All the shallowness in dialogues written and the way things get directed take away the joy and thrill, and the out-worldliness that the movie should have banked on in the first place.

There’s no western feel to the movie, although it should have been something to do with that as originally thought of by Stephen King.  The Dark Tower movie mixes a lot of Stephen King novels to spit out an insipid work that is very easy to forget.

Plot of The Dark Tower Movie (Spoilers Ahead)

To begin with, we have a kid named Jake Chambers played by Tom Taylor who is having visions about a Man in Black, a Dark Tower, and a Gunslinger. Nobody believes him, he is having a hard time convincing them. His shrinks are no good. He has been dealing with the death of his father, and the fact that another man has moved in his house is eating him alive too. (Just imagine the possibility of how amazing we could have turned this into dramatically!) One day being sent off to shrinks.

Everyone who walks with you dies.

One day people from a psychiatric facility arrive to put him into a rehab. He recognizes them as monsters under human skins and escapes. He ends up visiting a forsaken ramshackle house from his dream that has a portal that takes him to a different world called Mid-World. It is a dystopian backdrop that is abounding with deserts and mountains and everything you could expect in a post-apocalyptic world.

Gunslinger

Jake ends up meeting the gunslinger from his dream Roland Deschain (Idris Elba) who has been looking for The Man in Black – Walter as well. He seeks vengeance since Walter had killed his father.

the dark tower idris elba fighting

Jake discovers that there is a Dark Tower at the center of the universe which Walter intends to destroy to let the dark forces in. It can only be destroyed by the screams of psychic children. (Such beautiful thinking! Stephen King take a bow!)

The tower will fall.

The Village

Roland takes Jake to a village in Mid-world to interpret Jake’s vision with the help of a seer. Arra (Claudia Kim) helps Jake identify his true psychic abilities and tells her about his “shine” how powerful it is. Although using the shine could alert Walter about his whereabouts. Walter figures out that he needs someone like Jake to destroy the Dark Tower singlehandedly. Trying to hunt Jake down, he goes and kills his stepfather and mother. While Arra tells Roland to visit New York where Walter’s base of operations is.

Walter figures out that he needs someone like Jake to destroy the Dark Tower singlehandedly.

I do not aim with my hand. He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my eye. I do not shoot with my hand. He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I shoot with my mind. I do not kill with my gun. He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father. I kill with my heart.

Trying to hunt Jake down, he goes and kills his stepfather and mother. While Arra tells Roland to visit New York where Walter’s base of operations is.

Walter sends of his minions “the Taheen” to attack Roland but he kills them all in a theatric display of action. Roland and Jake go back to New York as Jake is worried about his mother. He finds her remains at his house, and is heart broken. Roland promises to avenge them teaching him the basics of gun slinging and fighting.

You can order The Dark Tower from here:

The Final Showdown

Jake gets abducted by Walter and is strapped to a machine that uses psychic children’s shine to destroy the tower. Jake keeps resisting the machine and tells Roland about his whereabouts helping him to come for aid. Roland appears then as a final showdown happens with him and Walter.

Darkness is your weapon, guns are mine.

The Dark Tower movie still Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey

He shoots Walter eventually bending laws of Physics, though it looked rad, it will bewilder you. Ronan then destroys the machine saving all the other children.

Jake: It’s a hotdog.
Ronan: Savages! What breed?

When Ronan is set to return to Mid-World he asks Jake to join him which Jake accepts.

Curtain falls.

The Final Verdict

It wouldn’t be wrong to ask for a better director for The Dark Tower movie. Someone needs to reimagine things and write a better screenplay. I have even a better idea! Turn this into a slow paced and ravishing TV series, and you can engage audience all over again.

Check out the trailer of The Dark Tower here:

 

Transformers The Last Knight (2017) | Michael Bay’s Epic Failure

I went in with zero hopes to watch Transformers The Last Knight after being one of the victims to 2014’s epic debacle. I thought maybe Michael Bay might have learnt from his mistakes and upgraded himself even to a certain extent based on how bad the flick was. But I was dead wrong. I can’t believe how impossible it is for some people to change, or even try to bring in the winds of change.

Direction of Transformers The Last Knight

Michael Bay seems to have challenged himself on how bad he could go with the franchise and this is by far the worst. Transformers The Last Knight is all about Kabooms and twelve-year-old humour just like the last part was. The story is a complete dud trying its best to prod into our history to deliberately build up things that don’t make sense. And we come up with a nonsensical transforming jargon that has stopped to appear cool now. And Bumblebee fist bumping his chest has become so lame that it makes you want to abhor the guy who is even thinking stuff like that. I am going to just point all my fingers at our old friend Mikey here.

In a glint of seriousness, Michael Bay chooses to make a cheap shot at humour as if that’s what the audience was looking up to. To scathe the Merlin tale by choosing Stanley Tucci again in a different avatar, (oh! please he’s beginning to get on our nerves), is just outright pathetic.

still from transformers the last knight movie

Also, Bay decides to go with a sling at the father-daughter angle yet again by introducing Isabela Moner as Izabella into the tale. Her addition was like the most pointless thing ever. She doesn’t do anything in the entire flick. And is plainly there to remind Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) of how he used to be a father too.

The saddest thing probably is the number of times Optimus Prime reminds us of who he is.

I am Optimus Prime.

At one point you begin to wonder if he is indeed the smart ones in the whole Transformers unit.

Milked Enough?

Bay chooses to shoot the movie in all spheres from lithosphere to hydrosphere to atmosphere. You realize that and you know for certain that he must have come up with the idea when he couldn’t think of anything else. To make things more interesting of course. But that’s just as stupid as it sounds.

You can’t help but wonder if they will ever run out of stories to tell. But these stories have become so boring and monotonous that it’s pointless to even try. Every single movie we have seen the Transfomers talking about not coming back, or leaving for good but they always come back. Aarrrrgh……I think the transformers need to just really relax for good and leave us alone for a while.

Transformers The Last Knight like every other movie in the franchise is still miles away from ‘focus’. It is running forward with all the weird camera angles that Bay just loves to exploit.

I can’t believe why Mark Wahlberg has been still nodding to this franchise. Oh! Wait…the money. Almost forgot the fuel for every human being. That also explains why Bay can’t concentrate on his other projects like for instance last year’s 13 hours. It was pretty okay-ish if not good.

And why did Anthony Hopkins even sign up for this? That’s just too beneath him. His presence is pointless and he does all these pointless things that’s just hurtful to watch.

The Love Interest

It is funny how Bay never misses out on the spices that constitute his movie. It is like a formula he works upon in his lab where he always keeps the hotness quotient close by. This time playing the love interest of our protagonist is Laura Haddock who is every hot girl replacement ever. And you see, he chooses not to repeat these lovely ladies (except for Megan Fox) for the mere fact that audience would want something new. Hey! What about the protagonist?

Haddock is also primarily chosen so as to recreate that fun British-American cute rivalry so that people who haven’t somehow still heard such jokes a thousand times before could guffaw loudly in the theatre while you are trying to make sense of the flick.

You can watch it for the mere fact that you wish to stick loyal to the franchise if not to what Bay ended up making it. If not the story then at least the action would enthuse you.

You can order the movie from here:

Check out the trailer of Transformers The Last Knight here: