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The Meg Movie Review (2018) | A Stale Shark Tale

The Meg movie is yet another stale Shark movie that’s not up to the mark. While it tries to bite on “how big this time the shark is” factor, it fails to leverage it properly. Jon Turteltaub‘s creation is an instant fail when he decides to speed up every attack the shark does to hide a proper closeup. It’s like packaging cheap thrills inside every moment to look out for. Unfortunately, that paints a very unrealistic picture. Rushing in of the shark is so sudden and deliberate that you are always prepared for it. Owing to that the flick fails to deliver real tension. The horror you feel doesn’t feel justified.

Somewhere Jon fails to leverage a monster in the sea and I don’t know how good Steve Alten (the writer of a series of Meg novels) is, but to bring a gargantuan shark from the deepest trench of the ocean and not to cash in on its sensational size and the horror that emanates naturally, feel like a dud shot, a missed opportunity. It is not visually appealing either. The cinematography is just meh!

There was so much poetry in 2015’s In the Heart of the Sea that it makes Meg feel like its written in a farcical universe. You pay attention to the screenplay of The Meg and you realize how witless it is. There is nothing of value for perceptive minds to chew on. Then you turn your attention towards its humour. Entertaining movies have at least that for the rescue. Unfortunately, it is not that funny either, even though one of its characters suddenly goes for it as the movie swims to the finish line.

Characters in The Meg

The Meg movie’s characters cannot be taken seriously. The protagonist Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is like a superhero in the vanguard who doesn’t miss any chance to encounter the behemoth even though he narrowly escapes almost every onslaught. He is a man with a mouth which eventually ends up drooling for Suyin (Bingbing Li) and vice versa. The chemistry they bring to the table is just pathetic. Suyin feels like a paper thin Barbie doll incapable of eliciting emotions. While Jonas seems like as if he is trying too hard.

still of Jason Statham in The Meg movie

The child actress Meiying’s (Shuya Sophia Cai) presence is barely for the contrast she puts up against the mammoth sized fish. Then she is there just to fix her mommy up with any potential hubby material guy. There was a lot we could have done with her given what a liability she was but instead they end up turning her into a pimp.

Some of the characters in The Meg movie are just there without a purpose. Wink at Ruby Rose as Jaxx. It’s almost like the casting peeps said:

“Hey! You look cool. You are in.”

Many are dispensable while many dispensable characters end up surviving. Jonas has an ex-wife Lori (Jessica McNamee) and you can’t pinpoint why she is there in the movie in the first place. Oh right! Just to stay as bait to Meg, so that Jonas says yes to the mission?

Cliff Curtis has so much potential I don’t know why he signs up for movies where he is always sidelined as a supporting actor.

The Theme of The Meg Movie

When you talk about the plot of the movie, it can be dissected into two halves where the first part focuses on a limited world, the one curious about the things that are underneath a thermocline in the form of a research station called Mana One. The second part capers a bit on the outside where the real action is driven. You know, with the same old cliched deadly fin that a shark deliberately shows to tell its exact location.

The First Half

In the first half, Lori ends up stranded with two of her colleagues when their submersible is attacked by an unknown creature. With the reputation Jonas has with his past rescue missions, he is sent off into the trench where the team is stranded. He manages to rescue them but one who makes his own choice.

The creature is then identified as a Megalodon, the largest shark there was, believed to be extinct. Owing to an explosion in the thermal vent, the Megalodon escapes the thermocline and enters the ocean.

Then begins the hunt to hunt it down using etorphine to poison it. They succeed in that but soon the twist happens when they realize they had killed a much smaller Megalodon, that there were two Megs that had escaped the thermocline and not just one. The real Meg upends their boat destroying everything in its wake.

Morris (Rainn Wilson) the owner of Mana One assures the crew that he had informed the naval forces who would take it from there. The lying prick he was, he goes on to hunt Meg down in the middle of the night with depth charges but ends up getting killed. When the crew comes to know about it, they resume their mission to track and hunt the shark down chasing it to a beach it was headed toward.

Sanya Bay – The Second Half

You give a sigh of relief when you finally see a beach for a change. Memories from the past come rushing down on you. If this bit wasn’t in the movie it would have been one hell of a boring movie. But hey just hold that thought! It doesn’t last very long. You get to have some fun with all the clueless people enjoying in the waters as our antagonist swims right underneath them.

still of a small dog in the meg movie

The Mana One crew then use a whale call to divert the attack, luring the shark towards them. Suyin and Jonas then try to kill it with the help of torpedoes but fail. Jonas then uses his damaged sub’s part to cut the shark open. Then stabs him in the eye with a poisoned spear. Jeez! Jason, do you ever stop being Satan?

Then the rest of the sharks come and finish it off. Phew!

Thinking Back

A lot of times the Meg movie feels like ending. When you get to it and try to think back of what you just saw, try to sum it all up, it feels like a bad adventure. That there was so little in content that the movie feels as if it is coiled up in just one place. But then The Meg movie doesn’t end at such an hour, instead tries to trace the footsteps of the classic Jaws by Steven Spielberg where the real action happens near a beach with a lot of people entailed.

But then again it barely skims it. There is no real tension, no proper horror that has your heart in your mouth. You are not dead scared like you were with Jaws. The impracticality of it all flushes the fish down the toilet. Meg becomes something that’s less of an adventure sans all the thrill you expected when you entered the cinema hall.

If you try to look at the good things, you realize things are always happening for a reason that the movie was kept intact in terms of filmmaking. The director knew what he was doing except what he was doing wasn’t terrifying enough and didn’t justice to a monster in the sea.

You can order The Meg movie from here:

The Final Verdict

With so many shark movies out there, I don’t know where I’d place this one if not at the bottom. I think 2016’s The Shallows was a lot better if you try hard to think of a new age shark story in times where we can easily handle a shark of any size. At least its backdrop was such that you took it for real. Here it’s hard to take anything seriously.

The Fate of the Furious Review (2017) | What it was and What it will be

The Fate of the Furious is more or less what the franchise is, and has always been about. There is no changing that. What continuously changes is the story. There is one primal plot in every flick that stands like a nub to steer the story. Since we need to keep the franchise up and running for it’s been ridiculously successful, studios are trying their level best to blow our minds. And in doing that they are leaving no stones unturned, no enclaves untrodden.

Luckily the magic formula is still working. As long as the audience is entertained, and the producers are making tons, who’s complaining?

Yet another installment that’s brimming up with death-defying stunts, mind-boggling action, eye-popping theatrics, cool jests, classy melodrama and some exhilarating adrenaline pumping action, The Fate of the Furious is everything you wish to see in the Furious universe.

Theme and Plot of The Fate of the Furious

Just two minutes in the movie and you realize it’s going to pack in tons of cheesy stuff. That it’s going to be full of it and that we should probably brace ourselves for that dumb impact. But surprisingly the movie rises up from its ashes the moment it begins to put on a show. Who saves it? It wouldn’t be wrong to say Dominic Toretto, the awesome Vin Diesel.

The one huge steer we have here is, “What if Dom goes rogue?” And I am pretty sure a room full of producers and writers might have gone nuts with that very thought. They found a way to make it happen, and they didn’t even have to use a cyborg chip, or Poison Ivy magic to hypnotize Dom. Dom does it all pretty convincingly like a robot following orders taking hell from Cipher, the stunning 41 years old showstopper Charlize Theron. Hell she could have convinced anyone to do just about anything sans conditions.

still of charlize theron as cipher and vin diesel as dom in the fate of the furious

So Dom falls like a domino rampaging everything that comes his way, turning his back on the one thing he loves the most – su familia!

And it isn’t a pleasant sight for anyone. It’s the worst for Letty (Michelle Rodriguez). One of the most impactful drama lies in the wake of the repercussions when he comes face to face with Letty on two occasions. Each time you can’t help but feel sorry for her when she fails to fathom why Dom’s become a leering bastard all of a sudden.

The movie becomes then an affair to understand Dom, to stop him from doing something awful, and failing at it of course, and then eventually being helped by him when things are all sorted out. All of this, of course, stands in their usual chaotic playground of fascinating action.

Exquisite Wrap (Spoilers Ahead)

The Fate of the Furious is strewn with four major action extravaganzas that happen like their regular jobs, only this time the perpetrator is none other than Dom himself. Others are simply trying to stop him to figure out the what, and the why, they have been hit with.

The first one happens with the main betrayal, EMP getting stolen right from underneath the unsuspecting nose of Hobbs. The second one happens at his Team’s headquarters, from where he walks in like the badass hero he is, to grab the God’s Eye. The third one happens at New York with the stealing of Nuclear launch codes, and the last one in Russia where the actual EMP is brought to use to take control of a submarine that holds weapons of mass destruction. The great thing about all of it is that there is a plausible reason for everything. The creators are constantly spending a good deal of thought in whatever they are doing. So, that’s commendable.

Racking Action

Some of the movie’s best fight scenes are delivered by the body decimating machine Hobbs, and the Parkour fighting specialist Deckard played by Jason Statham. While it’s a delight to watch Hobbs slither into his full “The Rock” mode delivering Rock Bottoms out of nowhere, forcing the WWE community to miss him even more, it’s an equal delight to watch Deckard kick some more ass. One of the best fight sequences is, hands down, the prison bit when both of them are desperate to get a piece of each other.

Roman is just as great with words as he has always been, making everything appear effortless with his innate flair. Little Nobody played by Scott Eastwood was a pleasant addition although he was mostly patronized for the better part of the flick.

There is this elongated section where a foreign minister is attacked by hacked cars. Though absurd as it might sound, or how it appears, it has been brilliantly pulled off. To achieve something so huge on such a colossal level, that’s something! It is one bit that you might remember the movie by for a really long time.

It is, however, hard to beat the final lines of Dom, when he names the baby Brian as a tribute to his bestie Paul Walker. You can’t help but feel satisfied with that apt icing.

You can order The Fate and the Furious here:

Weird Stuff

As always there are a lot of things that remain oddly placed here as well. Like how Dom still fails to even scathe himself even after being in an accident. Fire doesn’t bother him. His Godly powers still eludes us. If only someone walks in one day and says he isn’t human.

Then there are laws of physics that the franchise has never really cared about. You see when you are involved in a ridiculous action movie, clearly it is always about how and why you have ended up there in the first place. Yes, you weren’t paying attention in the class.

There are absurd loopholes aplenty, badly written comebacks at times. Deckard single-handedly bringing a flight full of hooligans down as bullets are flung around, and he is carrying a frigging baby at all times with him. Like how safe is that? Things aren’t made worse when he keeps taking pit stops to talk with the baby on numerous occasions. Ah! the cheap thrills!

Worst is when subplots are deliberately shoehorned to tell us what had happened in the past, and it is like a to and fro motion to tell us exactly how things went down not leaving anything for viewer imagination. Even during the submarine stint, bullets never hit the target; villains remain like dispensable stormtroopers.

2015’s Fast 7 had panned out better owing to that gut-wrenching Paul Walker quotient. The Fate of the Furious was all left to the mercy of Dom’s turning on his family.

The Final Verdict

It’s the USP of the Furious that sells this franchise. Keeping Dom at the center of the action, like a beacon that shows light. Everyone, nay, everything revolves around him, and you know it when you see him as this epitome of power that’s hard to challenge. You don’t mess with him, no matter on which side of the court you are. Period.

You see him do the unthinkable with his muscle revving beast. He wheelies his Dodge Charger too, and it is hard not to go crazy when he does. There are tons of thrilling action scenes waiting at random junctures that will make you jump on your seats. It is just sad that you see everything coming all along.

The Fate of the Furious is yet another insane and inane part that will blindly entertain you. It is trickling down with extraordinary action, and Hobbs, Deckard and Dom make it worth every penny. Rest of the cast end up getting clouded, and that’s both sad and bad.

That being said we all know how the sequel is going to deliver, and how are things going to be. Nothing much changes around here. Even though it’s fantastic, it is becoming a daft charade. I just wonder what if every possible action run runs out, would things be as thrilling?

You can check out the trailer of The Fate of the Furious here:

Spy Review (2015)

Spy is hilarious!

“I’ve swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer!”

You know what you are in for when you have hilarious lines like that. Spy simply breathes on McCarthy’s excellent comic timing, Peter Serafinowicz’s horniness (boy that doesn’t stop at all), Statham’s goofiness (he can do anything!), Byrne’s snobby demenaour and Jude Law’s pizzazz. Oooh oooh and there is obnoxious gore too!

Spy is a fun ride if you wish to have some good laughs into a clichéd backdrop. You have often played serious things goofy in your heads. When your spoof mode is on and you make fun of everything dramatic. Spy does that! Period.

The plot is well put, but is hard to concentrate on when you put Melissa in the vanguard. She is a fluffy bag of awesomeness that just doesn’t stop tickling you. Complements her superbly is Miranda Hart who is brilliant as her bestie and boy she’s funny!

Like every other comedy, there are unforeseen cuts, unserious frames that lose gravity as soon as things start to become serious. The climax dies out pretty soon too. There is nothing that really thrills you. But the movie’s a hoot! Who’s complaining?

Go watch it!


Furious 7 Review (2015)

“For Paul”

Furious 7 is all about flying Lykan, shattered skyscrapers, mammoth bullets, Gatling rounds, super-amped destruction, relentless drone syndrome, Jaa’s Parkour, badass rides, skimpily clad models, exquisite close calls, death defying moments, Herculean jobs, mind numbing head-ons and badass action. This movie is an action-pack adrenaline pumping madness just like its predecessor. But does it have a great story? My answer would be a big No to that.

Wan unfortunately doesn’t have a good story in his baggage. What he still has is some dope action to exploit, and he manages to create insanity with that! Watch out for that insane car-dive and the skyscraper stunt! Most memorable ones! Humour shines fine by Tyrese Gibson’s presence, and he occasionally takes off the heat.

Furious 7 is thrilling throughout. Adrenaline keeps on pumping constantly. Destruction doesn’t stop. Cars keep getting totaled. Bullets fly in the air like flies. The flick has pretty great one-liners that are downright bad ass. Snappy and witty comebacks make the screenplay quite clever in a way. Dramatic bits are kind of average, but make a dash for awesomeness to pay some quality Pablo homage in the end.


Statham makes a badass entry as Deckard Shaw into the lives of Furious guys with a dope fight with Hobbs. It is here we get to see that eye candy Rock Bottom that we have been waiting forever. Unfortunately he gets sidelined by an unconvincing side-story.

We already knew from the prequel, Shaw’s brother would be lurking in the shadows waiting to drop the chaotic bomb at Team Furious anytime. So he promised Dom via a phone call. And Bam! goes the ‘home’ in splinters with a sustained visual of 5-6 blasts occurring simultaneously that engulf the entire house. The predator calls for it and Dom gears up like a Daddy to teach him a lesson.

The entrance of Kurt Russell was so pathetic that it made us instantly hate him. I swear I saw perplexed people in the theatre wondering “Why?” out loud. Mr. Nobody’s addition to the tale was simply to weave two jobs that Dom could have lived without. Just so that he could find the hunter, he agrees to lick the candy Mr. Nobody was selling. But boy does it unroll into mind-numbing stunts! Skyscrapers hyperjump by the exotic Lykan hypersport would make your teeth turn into a nail clipper. Another pretty dope bit is the car sky-diving bit. Stunts like these ensure that the franchise isn’t dead yet. It will continue to flabbergast you, compel you to jump on your seat.

Unfortunately the screen time of Deckard Shaw is quite less, and he fails to create a villainy charm in the movie. He does pop up hither and thither to overthrow Dom’s plans but passes out weak as a very average forgettable villain. He looked puny compared to Dom fury.

The best thing however remains the show stopper – a perfect adieu to Paul. Final bits show Vin in pain, and you could almost read the tears that got masked by his acting. You could instantly comprehend and empathize with his loss. A series of flashbacks of Paul show up with Vin’s narration in the backdrop and your heart falls in a heavy pit. Such a big chunk tore away! You are left to ponder in tears. It was a great decision not to kill Pablo’s character. Giving him a respectful farewell from the franchise was really thoughtful.

In an action franchise like Fast and Furious, just remember you have to overlook everything. Logics are defied, Physics taps out to action, gravity stops working and time takes a hiatus for the protagonists. Just sit back and enjoy the action packed fun this movie promises to be and is. Be super-psyched and never forget Paul!