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Tag: Hitman

London Has Fallen Review (2016)

Miffed!

SPOILERS:

London has fallen, and does anybody seem to care? How would they? Streets are running empty! You wonder out loud, “Where is everybody?” Oh, Wait! This could be a different dimension altogether! But is it a sci-fi movie? No! So that gets ruled out too! The movie is so bad that it will make you remember the already forgotten previous installment, and make you go, “I think I liked it more when Olympus fell!”

In a world, where cities keep falling and directors try to cash in their checks through big names like Butler, Freeman and Eckhart, by showing meagre action without a good plot or direction to keep the pieces together, you are compelled to wonder what the action-world is degrading into.

In a planet which already reeks of terror, Babak Najafi believes you haven’t had enough, and tries to feed you a mouthful of terror-jargon with ample gun shots, bombs and some third-grade CGI. There is no subtlety in his direction, and you almost see everything coming. What is worse is the way he decides to snap off a frame, and then spearhead into another one, without a proper closure. In his head, he thinks he is being cool, but really Babak, Not Cool! Not Cool!

What was cheesy was the fact that every character in the movie gets a label. Najafi thought we were really that interested to notice who’s who. There is one juncture where all presidents get exterminated within seconds, which was laughable rather than being poignant. So, if your country’s president was insinuated there, you would go “Damn!” and might walk off the theater.

The screenplay has nothing to offer. It is further exacerbated to pulp just as victims of Gerard-fury were by the flick’s shoddy direction. Radha Mitchell just makes matters worse by running with a baby in her belly like she is on a football field. Gerard Butler stares at his screen with a scrappy resignation letter without emphasizing enough focusing on the words honor and privileged (wow! Writers!) just to tell you that he is thinking about it. Subtle, eh! Aaron goes live and suddenly he decides to be a man and show some real ballsy presidency. In his head he must be like, “Look at me, I am your ideal tough!” Shivani Ghai shouts at Patrick Kennedy to stay on the ground and then shoots him ensuring her order is heard. Well played! Oooh-Oooh before I forget, there was this guy who seemed constantly worried; he had a weird eyebrow that pointed up, no matter what. So even if he was happy he looked worried.

Sometimes these action flicks make me wonder if adroit Presidents watch them too and say, “Hey! That’s me. I am holding a gun, and going Bam! Bam! And Kaboom!” At least Family Guy’s Mayor Adam West would say that.

If we look at the bright side, which we generally do, the final action bits are pretty dope, when Gerard goes full Rambo on the terrorists. It almost seems like a good game you are playing, that skims the surface of Splinter Cell or Hitman for that to matter. The camera goes with a continuous shot, and Babak seems to have been waiting the whole movie just to shoot that. It was good while it lasted. Then the clouds of pointlessness walk in again.

Hitman: Agent 47 Review (2015)

Being one of the biggest fans of the Hitman franchise, I am averse to hating anything that relates to Agent 47. But even I am compelled to reserve all judgments when people decide to cash on the extraordinary franchise with their brainless mediocrity. Boy, do the movies suck!

When I saw the trailer for Hitman: Agent 47 for the first time, I was disappointed at once owing to its stupid screenplay. I still remember Rupert Friend saying “But it is mine” instead of a catchy witty comeback phrase to the question “What kind of name is 47?” I wanted a colossal name to helm the movie to do the character and game the justice it deserves, but there was another bummer staring at the project in the name of Aleksander Bach. The movie was heading towards disaster already.

If you have played every game installment of Hitman, you would quickly catch on the theme of the gameplay and notice how brilliantly the protagonist has been created and how grave and well moulded the character is. In its beginning and happening run, the music of the game franchise was helmed by the music prodigy Jesper Kyd himself. He created ‘out of the world’ music that carved the badass 47 into perfection. So naturally stakes were high when I walked into the theatre with high hopes.

To begin with Rupert Friend’s 47 wasn’t that good. His face though written with right expressions fails to nail 47. There is a constant brow wrinkle that just doesn’t bereave him at any point. Is our 47 ever this sentient? No! Plot is poorly written and the screenplay made me slap my face.

The origin story, which actually happens to be mind-blowing has been fast forwarded like a cheap backdrop plot, to reach the fully fledged version of the assassin. We are literally ‘introduced’ to Diana, the character we all loved so madly for ‘the-voice-in-his-ears’ thrill, the character who is better hidden and we all adored for the sheer suspense of who she might be? Where is the subtlety of the game? Where did it all vanish?

SPOILERS AHEAD:

Being a silent assassin, Hitman works subtly, but there is a shot where 47 fires in a full crowded Subway without bothering about consequences. Even the fight sequences are average and they don’t charge up your adrenaline. What was ridiculous when 47 touches Katia and suddenly she remembers everything. We are subjected to flashbacks deliberately made emotional to make it sound more interesting. Katia’s character is even more pathetic. She is shown not just listening but seeing things too from far away. What makes it hugely indigestible is the fact that frames that are manifested for it look as if she could see the future too.

Okay there are nostalgic moments with the signature dual Silver Ballers, the usual garrote fiber wire, the dress changing, the body hiding, the close point blanks, .45s, deagle, Beretta, Glock 17, Blaser R93, the Blaser case, his renowned symbol, the suit, the tie, the bar code behind his head. But are these things really enough to make a good movie?

The dark is missing from the flick. Even though there is some hideous gore, a lot of it gets spoiled by the movie’s mediocre CGI. Marco Beltrami decides to wade into trance which was supposed to be drenched in Kyd-ish dark gravity. His music isn’t at all profound and doesn’t even come close to visiting the handsome Jesper Kyd’s notes.

Overall a big fiasco, I would say. I just hope Nolan, Cameron, Scorsese, Mendes or Boyle to take it up this project for a change and reboot the shit outta it.